What time is it?

Its daylight savings time, but do you think Ethan's little body clock got the memo? Of course not! This should be a challenge - being up since 5:30 this morning.

Its Halloween! Boo! I'm just getting ready to feed E and I'm watching him play on his mat. He's scootching more and more on his bottom I think - whenever I look away then back at him he's a foot away from where he was last sitting. Kinda like osmosis - or maybe he has a million little centipeed legs on his bottom that move him back and forth?

Oh - and in case you didn't notice, I'm about to start a book blog. See the side bar to your left. Not much there yet, but soon! Take a peek.

Anyway - the day's light is filling the house. Time to let Ethan's squeals wake Troy and for my first cuppa joe. Good day!

Its been a pretty restful few days around here (well MY work as WIFE and MUM never ceases, but I can assure you that my husband has enjoyed putting his feet up). Yesterday we had a ball at Goldstream park to watch the salmon run. Ethan loved looking at all the colourful, moss covered trees and the babbling stream full of big fish! I hope the few pictures we took turned out well. Today: great grandma's birthday party; tomorrow Halloween! Boo! Yeah, I'm tired just thinking about it too.

Another gray, lazy day. Ethan's just finishing up his morning nap; I'm still in my jammies but will dress momentarily. Not sure what the day will hold today - if the three of us are ever awake all at one time maybe we'll have a little outing. I wonder if I can convince Troy to take us out for lunch today? Maybe not. Halloween preparations are soon underway - decorating the house, carving our jackolantern, and getting E ready for his "teddy bear" debut. Oh we may need to replenish some of the candy, too, before the kiddos come by. Enjoy your Friday!

I think this is the last of the pictures I recently scanned - whoops! Get ready for lots of black and white space for a while. Unless I find time to scan more pictures of 2nd rate quality. Today is day 1 of "our" four day weekend as Troy is taking a couple of days off. We've already taken a walk in the rain - Ethan's had lunch, and I'm dying for a nap. So hopefully E will wear himself out within the hour. Its nice having Troy here during the day - gives me a bit of a break, and its nice for E too of course! Now if it would only stop raining......

Its freakin' cold out today. No park playing for us unless it warms up this afternoon. Instead we're going for a playdate at Allison and Ryan's house! Woo!

Monday morning smiles

Another week begins - and this morning started with an extra hour sleep and big smiles and laughs from my little one. How can I top that?

This weekend was relaxing for us, but for some near and dear to me, it was not. A very very good friend of mine ended a relationship unfortunately; another very very good friend of mine had a baby - a third son! Welcome to the world, Mason! Congratulations to Jen and Dan P., and big brothers Darien and Adam! *love* Little boys are so wonderful. :)

Sunny Day, Sweeping the Clouds Awayyyyyyy

Its a cool, yet sunny day today and I can't wait to get out in the crispness with Ethan and go for a walk. I mean, a walk to the wine store, but its still a nice walk, with a visit to the park thrown in. Wine store because if I'm going to go through the trouble and gumph to make a nice roast beef dinner tonight with all the trimmings and even yorkshire pudding from a PACKET, then I deserve a little swill in my glass. That's my rationale, anyway. I've got a billion of them, for any occassion.

Troy's comfortable in front of Sunday Football for the next jillion hours, but he promised to help me lower the crib today. So hopefully we'll get that done before I hit the bottle too hard tonight (KIDDING - geeze). Its been really relaxing and comfy having an easy weekend at home the three of us, without any obligation or renovations to do. I mean, we have renovations to do, including finishing the roof, but nothing we're going to tackle until Spring now. Apparently this means that we'll have a beautiful blue tarp on our roof over the holidays to help ward against those pesky leaks. I hope Santa's reindeer will still be able to land safely up there! It's Ethan's first Christmas so I know their toy load will be extra heavy when they visit our house this year.

Enjoy your Sunday!

The weekend - finally. Its so nice to have Troy around the house so the three of us can do things as a family - even if its just rolling around on the floor playing and singing little songs. Ethan LOVES music and will rock back and forth to the beat. Little Elvis! Shake that thang! Today we're just gonna lie low - get some groceries, nap a bit. Maybe watch a DVD tonight. Any suggestions?

totally

A very good friend of mine sent me an email that in part read:

The pictures are fantastic, Ethan is gorgeous, that look of happiness
in his face is palpable. You must be so happy (in between your
exhaustion, self doubt and constant state of fear).

I feel so understood! Of course, he's a parent too. :)

Recipe: Pasta with Prawns and Tomatoes

I used a bag of shelled, raw frozen prawns (1 lb) that worked well. Saute prawns (thawed or fresh) in a bit of olive oil over high heat until opaque; remove to plate. This only takes a couple of minutes.

Add a bit more olive oil (your call) and 4 minced or sliced garlic cloves and a generous tsp of red pepper flakes. Add to pan 6-8 sliced roma tomatoes. Simmer over medium heat for 5-10 minutes, until tomatoes are broken up and saucy. I added a half glass of chardonnay here as well because wine does nothing but enhance a dish.

Remove from heat. Return shrimp to saucepan and toss to coat. Add 2 tbsp of chopped parsley and 2 tbsp of fresh lemon juice.

Serve over pasta (we used penne rigate) with a big glass of cold pinot gris (if you didn't drink it all while cooking this dish). This sauce would also be worth trying with scallops. Oh yes.

Enjoy! Cheers.

Man would I have given anything to sleep all morning. I'm wondering if I'm coming down with Troy's cold? I sure hope E doesn't get it again - though he likely will. Today its rainy and yucky out - so I don't think we're going to budge all day. Groceries can wait until tomorrow. My goal today is to get through the day without any more wipeouts by E. I know - I have such lofty ambitions as a parent. I should write a book. :)

A fresh picture - there ya go. Ethan was a trooper today, despite 3 things that made him cry: a flu shot, a fall head-first into the entertainment unit (resulting in a little bump on his forhead) and too-hot peaches for dessert. Bad mummy didn't stir them enough when they came out of the microwave. But amazingly, he still loves me to pieces - regardless. Boy am I lucky. I really am. *love*

books beckon

The boy is in bed - tired little man. The highlight would be when he dumped the pan of water all over himself that we had on the carpet to catch the leaking drops of water from the stupid roof/ceiling. I wont make that mistake again.

And now I'm gonna tuck in with Troy on the couch for a few, then bath, then bed with my book. Reading Little Earthquakes and I'm really enjoying it so far.

Tomorrow: flu shot, lunch with Fi. Naps in the afternoon. And I'll scan some new pictures to finally upload on this site. Ta!

gore

Know what sucks more than getting your first period after having a baby? Getting it and getting god-awful cramps like you've never had to suffer through before.

I'm hoping wine is going to help because these cramps are kicking Advil's ass. And maybe a little walking (hey its what you do for early labour, right?) So off with E in the stroller to the wine store we go.

Land of the Big Boys.

My little peanut butter belly boy is 8 months old today! Sadly I have no new pictures to post - later this week perhaps. Take my word for it - he's as gorgeous as ever.

A conundrum: while every marriage usually includes an in-law relative or two, families with babies often must deal with the "stuff" that goes with that issue times a hundred. Not only is your husband's mother just that, but a grandparent to your child with all the rights and joys that goes with that package. But that package can also include a battle in how to raise your child. For me, this issue started before I even gave birth.

I don't mean for this post to become anti-MIL because I'm not that. My MIL has the hugest heart, is generous beyond compare and puts everyone ahead of herself. I love her and feel nothing but the same back from her. Its just that we're very different, in every sense of the world. Different ideas about EVERYTHING, including parenting and children. She's very traditional and "from the farm"; my opinions are formed from a different upbringing, a degree in psychology and education, and from a hoard of parenting and child development books I've been reading voraciously.

She knows how I feel about spanking. We debated this somewhat a year ago, before E was born. I say no, she says I'm kidding myself. That's neither here nor there. It's my child, and Troy and I will decide how we will discipline our child. She will have to abide by that rule. To the day, we've not had to discuss it again (Ethan's too young for discipline yet) as we both realize is a topic we disagree on and we don't want to argue. But that time will come soon, I know it. I'm not looking forward to the conversation. I hate confrontation, hurting people's feelings; arguing in general. But my kid comes first.

I was just a little ticked when visiting her briefly yesterday with Ethan. E was pulling on her necklace (as he's bound to do with anyone with sparkle around their neck) and my MIL was trying to reason with him not to do that. Whatever. He's a little young to understand - but if she wants to risk having her jewelry broken, that's her choice. What bothered me is that she jokingly said in a sing-song voice "you pull grandma's necklace you'll get five in the eye!" which means, to put it crudely, punched in the head. Nice. Now obviously my MIL is not going to punch him. But its just not funny. Joking about whipping a child is not funny. Joking about going ahead with corporal punishment IN FRONT OF ME after conversations we've had is incredibly disrespectful. I said nothing.

I know she meant no harm. But I'm not from a family who thinks that kind of thing is cute and funny. Its the context. Maybe I'm overreacting. I think we just have to have a real open and blunt talk about this.

Another issue is that my MIL is quite religious, which is just fine. I'm not. My husband has faith, but he's quite private about that. My MIL knows I don't share her beliefs, and I think we can be mutually respectful on that. But what I also discovered yesterday is that she's been buying Christian children's books to read with Ethan when he comes to visit. I appreciate how she would want to share her faith with her grandchildren. But I think that she needs to ask me and Troy about that. To be honest, even Troy and I have not discussed how we'll raise Ethan as far as religion goes. But Connie's life is quite religious - and I just don't want to answer Ethan's questions in the future about God and Jesus and different bible stories as "well that's what Grandma believes" and discredit her. I don't know what to do about that issue, but think we can wait awhile until we give Ethan some religious direction (or not). But a conversation with me would have been more respectful of my MIL don't you think? The book's message was that a child should be like Jonah and obey Jesus, otherwise Jesus and God will be mad and bad things will happen. Not a message I particularly think is suitable for my child.

Ok - enough of this post. I know my thoughts are all over the map. I think my MIL and I need to share a bottle of wine (at least we can agree on that) and lunch and have a respectful conversation before things progress any further. Before Ethan gets older. Pull in the reigns a bit. She's a lovely lady and I'm pretty sure that if she knew how much this stuff bothered me she'd be willing to work with me here.

If any of my readers have any experience in this kind of stuff with in-laws or other folks of significance in your child's life, I'd sure like to hear about it. Please comment!

oops

I forgot to mention that Troy and I met 6 years ago tonight! Most of my nearest and dearest know all about the sordid details of that fateful night. We'll never forget it!

Love you, love.

Between 6th and Broadway!

I'm on 45

between 6th and Broadway,

45!

between 6th and Broadway.

I'm drinking 7UP,

between 6th and Broadway

7UP!

between 6th and Broadway.

7UP!

You know, I'm always in NYC at the wrong time.

who knew?

Who knew you could poach an egg by cracking it into a bowl of water and sticking it in the microwave for a minute on high? Yummy.

My darling boy has gotten into the habit of getting up earlier and earlier in the morning (even if he has a good sleep all night). Today we were up at 5:30 am. He had his morning nap at 7:30 - it was still dark out. By the time he woke from that about half an hour ago, his daddy was waking up. So hopefully our whole day isn't skewed because I have a lunch date and I'm counting on E taking his afternoon nap at 1:30 as per usual, not at 10:30 am. Silly boy.

In case you were wondering? The most wonderful, decadent sound in the world is the sound of Ethan laughing as he plays with his daddy. Its like chocolate for my soul.

Guess who is ALMOST crawling? E! He's scootching backwards, actually. He's figured out he has to push his bottom and tummy up from the floor, but his arms are doing the pushing, not his legs! Yet, that is. Time to buy some childproffing supplies!!! Yay E, my big boy. He's 8 months old on Monday! *love*

yuck

Why is it I can feel relatively fine at 6:00 am when Ethan wakes me up, and I get up, and get started on my day...then at 8:30 when I lay down with him for his morning nap (who am I to ignore a sleeping opportunity, especially when I'm still in my pjs?) and wake up 2 hours later (BIG morning nap!!) and feel like crap? Ugh.

Must press onward. Babies wait for no one. That and I'm going to see Allison the Monkey Bum Biter today - what was to be coffee and Costco is now lunch and a medicine run for Troy.

And so it goes.

I have an idea for a website regarding books and my love for them. It will link to online booksellers. I need a pro or amateur web designer to design the web for me. Something easy to navigate, something slick and pretty looking, something I can also update weekly on my own as it will constantly evolve. Can you do the job for me? I have money! Will pay! Please email me and lets talk. If you have a few samples to show me of other sites you've designed, I'd love to see them. I'll show you some of my ideas as well.

In other news, we interviewed another possible daycare provider today. She's really nice. I think we'll pick her. And Ethan's just waking up from his morning nap. Must go!

This picture is about 7 months old, can you believe it? Little chubba wub.

Anyway, a clear day ahead of us today - and a walk in our near future under the sunshine. Ethan's already decided to mix the day up by refusing his apple and oatsies this morning, so he's getting it for lunch instead. And for dinner if he doesnt want it for lunch, and for breakfast if he fasts all day. Can you say Mommie Dearest, Mommie Dearest? I'm kidding of course. Partly.

I also feel like I'm coming down with a cold, which is just great. And Troy and I are trying to use different mathematical formulas to make our measily salaries (if I were to work 3 days a week) pay our bills. So far we're about $500 a month out. Which is depressing news. He's still working on it. We'll see.

Oh - and I'm having Daycare nightmares now. And somedays? I really really really hate my hair.

What's new with you?

What? You're not excited too?

I can't recall if I've posted this picture - forgive me if I have. After last night's harrowing events, I needed to post a big grinny boy. He's all smiles today - as I knew he'd be. Ethan, his grandpa and I are going to go for lunch - a big bowl of pasta and a bigger glass of wine for this old mum is in order. Did I mention I love my little boy more every day? I do I do I do. Precious peanut butter belly boy. *love*

self saving, sometimes

Its 11:30 am (and counting), and I'm sitting, bleary eyed in my pjs in front of the computer. I'm trying to kill time - to make the minutes tick by faster. I actually went to bed 2 hours ago. I've been up for half an hour.

Crying it out (CIO) has worked for Ethan's sleep problems. But once in a while - say, once a week or less often, he'll awaken and not be able to soothe himself to sleep very quickly. Tonight is one of those nights - and as I type this I'm listening to him wail. I go in to check on him every 5, 10 minutes, for a pat pat "I love you" "night night". And I leave, closing the door behind me, and the wailing begins again. The last time we played this nighttime game it was about 10 days ago and we were up for almost 2 hours. Sometimes its only 5 minutes.

I've developed a bit of an anxiety problem around all of this business. Before the CIO system, and for almost 7 months straight, I'd go to bed very anxious and stressed out because I knew that it could be a matter of time (10 minutes, an hour, 5 hours, 7?) from the time my head hit the pillow to when Ethan would awaken, cry inconsolably and I'd go and pick him up, try to rock and/or nurse him back to sleep, then get him into his crib without waking him (sometimes that was the clincher). Usually these episodes lasted an hour or two. And happened at least once a night, sometimes two. I was so sleep deprived (as was he) we were both suffering.

Now I go to bed anxious that I'll be awakened by the crying, and while I lay in bed listening to him snort and snuff and usually calm himself back to sleep almost immediately, sometimes its like tonight and the crying goes on and on and while I check on him to make sure he's safe, not too hot or cold, that his diaper's not leaking or full, etc, it is so heartbreaking because I have to be consistent and let him sort himself out. The 5/10 minute checks and consoles are a small relief to us both I think, but the crying and wailing and tear streaked cheeks are so heartbreaking.

Anyway, I've written about establishing the CIO system here before - I won't reiterate. I just wanted to type here that its still really hard when we have nights like this. I have to sit in front of the computer between the check times, and find things to distract me or I'll crumble. I have no doubt that I'm doing the right thing for him. As I said, he's been sleeping through the night, 11 hours or so every night, about 90 % of the time. Its wonderful, and he's rested. But these nights are hard.

I know when he's finally asleep (hopefully soon - its now 11:40 pm) I'll go back to bed, get under the covers and turn out the light. And hear the static from the baby monitor in the darkness. And try to get myself back to sleep without worrying or anticipating the next wail - hopefully not tonight. And if so, my biggest challenge is clinging to that consistency and not give in and bring him to bed with me. One night of that and all the month or more of hard work on both our parts is for naught.

He's starting to settle - but I can hear him. If I'm in bed before midnight tonight I'll be thankful.

Please little baby - go to sleep. Go to sleep. Night night. Night night. Mummum loves you so much. So much.

Three things I'm awfully thankful for - my mum, my boy, my auntie. I'm also super thankful for my dad (who I get to see today!), my brother, and of course, my husband most of all. Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Girlfriend Books

click on the picture above to visit "Girlfriend Books"

My friend Diva and I were thinking of opening a bookstore in the future. I've been thinking of what I'd like it to be - and thought it should be the type of books my girlfriends and I love to read: fiction, cooking, parenting, health and fitness, feminist thought, et cetera. So I have been searching online for ideas and see what's out there. Here's what I found. Talk about exactly what I'd want in a bookstore, but online. They even stole a name I was considering "Girlfriend Books". And Diva Books is apparently a book publisher, so that's out too.

Well, in any event, I have a new favourite website. You guys might enjoy it too.

Can you believe our roof is leaking again? Yeah. Me neither. Stupid rain.

More changes - more growth, more development, more tears. The last two days I've really noticed my milk supply dropping off, to the point Ethan will try to nurse (say, before a nap) and there will be NOTHING. So I've started to supplement with bottles of formula - so far just one a day (he had 4 oz before his nap this afternoon, but he still nursed a bit to fall asleep in bed with me). I may have to up that to 2 bottles soon. When he drank the 4 oz up quickly (I only have those small bottles) and was still hungry, I started to worry how much I'd been leaving him hungry/thirsty after very short nursing sessions with me. I'm going to have to buy a few 8 oz bottles this week for his formula. Ugh. formula. Who knew I'd have to give him this? I hope to keep breastfeeding until he's a year - in a while it may only be our morning (upon waking) nursing/cuddling session, and then before bed. I guess it was bound to happen. Thankfully, he had no problem taking a bottle, and seemed to enjoy the formula (even LAUGHED a few times while drinking it). I don't really think its that funny. The irony is lost on me I guess.

Things Ethan loves: pulling off his socks; his apple juice; blowing raspberries; Harry; baths; sweet potatoes; tummy kisses; grass; his Jolly Jumper; big hugs; his daddy. People who love Ethan: too many to list. :)

This is what my joy looks like.

read this instead

Pre-Baby me? That was someone in another life
Having a baby changes everything, and shows me how little I knew about parenting

Dorianne Sager
Special to Vancouver Sun

Monday, October 04, 2004

I have a split personality. There is the Before-Baby me and the After-Baby me. The Before-Baby Dorianne has been relegated to the far corners of my mind, but she still fights for her old dominance. She bats away at the cobwebs, and yells out over the background hum of children's songs and grocery list recitations.

"Remember when you said your child would never act that way; you would never do that as a parent; that raising a baby couldn't possibly be that hard; and you weren't going to turn into your mother? Remember?"

I have tried to merge my two personalities -- if only to stop the voices in my head -- but they can't be reconciled. The After-Baby personality is slowly taking over. As for the Before-Baby me, she tells me she doesn't live here any more. There is no room in here someone who thought she knew everything, who was used to eight hours sleep every night, who had little responsibility, who expected this job to be easy, who never had to worry she was doing it all wrong.

When I'm out clothes shopping with Zach and he howls at the injustice of being wheeled around a store that sells nothing of interest to him, I can hear the voice of the Before-Baby woman whispering, "I would never allow my child to act like that in public, I would take him straight home, that would teach him to behave!" But the After-Baby me isn't listening any more, because I really don't get out that often -- and I'm holding the last shirt in my size. And besides, if leaving a store as soon as a tantrum starts doesn't work with my husband, why should it work with my son?

I still haven't figured out how it is that before I became a parent I knew so much about parenting. And now that I've finally had a child of my own, I feel like I know so little. When I first got pregnant I told my mother that my husband and I didn't believe having a baby would change our lives.

"There's no need to let a baby consume us," I said with the cocky assurance of someone who had no idea what she was talking about. "The baby should be able to conform to our lives." She raised an eyebrow, and in a voice laden with accumulated years of parenting wisdom, chuckled, "Good luck with that."

A few months ago a child-free friend of mine spoke in that same cocky tone when I complained about my son's nocturnal habits. "There's no reason he can't sleep through the night," she told me. "You must be doing something wrong. When we have a baby he'll be on a sleeping schedule right from the very beginning."

I was too tired to laugh, so I just said, "Good luck with that."

Everything changes once you have a baby, especially your conceptions about parenthood. Even though I was adamant it wouldn't happen, my son's complete dependence and utter vulnerability, his continuing development and emerging personality have wholly consumed me in a way I could never prepare for.

If Zach had conformed to our lives he would be crawling down to the kitchen at 8 a.m. and making mommy an espresso. Instead, it's I who has adapted as I drag myself out of bed at 4 a.m. to rock him back to sleep.

It's a humbling experience being a parent, I know there will be more moments ahead when my son will behave in ways I swore no child of mine ever would, when I will make mistakes and compromises I said I never would, when I will start to say things like, "Because I said so!"

Parenthood, I have discovered, is a whole other dimension. Like an alien species, the After-Baby creature towers over the cocky, self-assured Before-Baby Dorianne and says, "Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated." There's no denying it, I am turning into my mother; but I'm discovering that's not such a bad thing.

I will miss the other me -- she seemed to know so much about being a parent. But she is just a distant memory (sort of like my sex life.) The After-Baby creature is the one who speaks to me; she is who I am now.

babysteps@sager.ca

© The Vancouver Sun 2004








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picky picky picky

Ethan, the wonder eater, suddenly doesnt care for his butternut squash. And after I introduced him to meat today at lunch (pureed chicken with apples), he looked at me like I was crazy putting such garbage into his mouth. I guess it probably tasted a bit mealy. Hmm. Maybe I'll try some jarred chicken and veg or something to get him used to it - its probably smoother than mealy food processed chicken (which looks and smells like catfood if you want the honest truth).

So now I'm going to unglue him from his highchair, lay us down for a short nap, then take a loooong walk down to Walmart to pick up our pictures. So you all have something new and current to look at on this page - not just these thoughtless words. See, dear reader - always thinking of you.

La La La

Ethan and Grandpa - I thought I had posted this already!

Our Troy Boy is home from a successful business trip to Toronto - both Ethan and I are full of grins and giggles with our favourite man back in the house! And I get a bit of a breather to write here as well.

We had a nice day today - and bought pounds of halloween candy at Walmart while stocking up on kitty litter and paper towels. I thought Troy went nuts over Christmas decorating - well he was all a flutter with excitement at the TWO aisles of STUFF at Walmart. We even got Ethan an adorable teddy bear costume, just for pictures. We tried it on today and it was like holding a huge plush teddy in my lap who moved on his own! It just about fits him - I hope it will still fit in 4 weeks!! I think it will be quite hot on him too - being all plush teddy bear fur - but anything for a photo opportunity, right? Right?

Another busy week - and probably another daycare visit. Bah. Work wise we're still up in the air as to what I'm going back to, and whether it will be full or part time. And yes, the roof is pretty much done. Thank goodness.

Now I must give my squirmy wormy a bath, a story (Richard Scarry's A Day At the Airport) and to bed so I can finish reading my trashy magazine and hit the hay myself. Cheerio!

hey

we're all fine and good. Busy around Casa McIntyre as our roof is almost done but not quite. Taking more than twice the time we estimated for its overhaul. We have lots of thanking to do to Troy's family and friends for working so hard day in and out. Plying them with Coors Light and lunch each day doesnt seem like enough.

Ethan's asleep - we had a good day today and played at the park. His first swing ride, his first slide down the slide. It was awesome - I wish I had brought my camera. Next time for sure.

Now, tonight I'm gonna have a glass of wine and watch Elephant, a dvd I rented today. Another full day tomorrow, and the next, and the one after that.

Sunday will be the official 3 month mark until I return to work and put my little one in daycare. He's too small. I am very sad.